Tag Archives: inspiration

New York me, please! Just do it!

5 Jan

2012 was a super shitty year. It was a killing-dreams-sucking-the-life-out-harsh-and-disappointing year. Life is always unfair, it brings down. Unsolved problems and unfulfilled dreams bring down. But when a new year comes we try to forget and forgive. Forget all the problems because people prone to be fed with the hope even when the fridge is empty. Forgive people and ourselves because there is no point in cherishing hatred. Even those who have a broken bottle of wine instead of a heart secretly believe in love. New Year is the summing up of all we’ve done and felt during one year. Everybody believes in what I have just written. You know why? Because we think that the next year is the next chance. One more trial, one more step and attempt and maybe our dreams will come true. Everybody is miserable, some people realized it and some of them still stay in a dark room waiting for a guiding light. Those are happy who become blind after they spend 100 years in a dark room.

As for me I have realized everything. But please don’t judge me just for dreaming.

My answer is always New York. This is the “boiling point”, “the reference point”. The place where a life begins.

Is there anything more beautiful than Times Square during New Year’s Eve or Monica Bellucci? Let’s talk about the Big Apple.

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I watched the video in YouTube. That was the biggest shake of the New Year. Can you imagine? Times Square, New York City, 1 million people around counting out 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and HAPPHY NEW YEAR! The small plaza exploded with fireworks, confetti, shouts, hugs, kisses, flashes, smiles and tears! Oh I was suffering! Goosebumps could have devoured me! This video fucking tore me apart.

Now some words about how I spent the New Year Eve.

I stayed at my place, ate food and watched House M.D. That is exactly what I did the year before. It is even symbolic. With elements of pathetics and irony. If to look back on my life one can see it is a big ironic ass kick.

Why at home? You know rock stars never have friends, never ever, yeh?

I am the one who rewies different movies or series for many times. House is my favorite one. Maybe I just wanted to meet a New Year with someone I love…

I also admit that I was depressed for some period of time, the fact that I’m writing means I’m done with rehabilitation. I’m pure, virgin pure. It’s time to look for the cure!

The cure is the black and white Rock’n’Roll – the quintessence of everything. This is not about 30 Seconds to Mars, Marilyn Manson or other cheap shit. Enough!

Now I wanna show my “Inspirational Letter”. It is to help me keep on moving and breathe. This is just placebo but never mind.

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Charging… Clear! He’s back. The cockroach’s back!

He knows that one day he will be there, no matter what way, doen’t matter what number, being one of the million is even better because nobody cared about psy and other “stars” who were stupidly standing in the “special star place”. Fuck them, fuck their gangnam style, all the shit is in sewage.

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Sucker’s Dream

12 Jul

Sucker’s Dream

Six simple letters…

Once all that I had was on the floor. God only knew what I was fighting for. Who are we without principles and beliefs? Just animals crawling on the ground. Who are we when we are being made do something? Just gutless animals crawling on the ground. Who are we when all we know is rudeness and evil? Just pissed-off animals crawling on the ground that are going to meet nothing significant but eternity. We only need six simple letters.

Power. Her power and inside strength are uncountable. This is a powerful discharge reeved through us from heels to the tips of hair. It’s when all you can is to make a sip of air and cannot scream. This is when fibrillation is healed by defibrillator. This is a huge wave to cover the whole of your body and for a while there’s no way you can breathe. In the moment of death you find out that this is only the beginning and oxygen is not the only thing your lungs can breathe.

Art. The combination of arrogance and understanding how shitty things happen to be, the combination of a firm self-confidence and hard work, literature and wisdom. She is a goddess emitting piercing light and power. Her trident is the weapon of love, pain, anger, mystery, understanding, inseparability of good and evil. This is what perfection is. This is what art is. Nothing’s indestructible. Art is eternal. As soon as it touches anything living or dead; existing or not it turns things into its own core. Art is never material, it can never be seen which means its nature can’t be destroyed or counted.

Vaccine. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You never know what can happen or be said. What do I need? I need development, I need to grow up, make the world around beautiful and lots of things more. You can never be sure in having support from the side of society. What if you could get wine from your monitor? Impossible. What if you could get just extremely big support from your monitor? Such kind of support so you can say that in the times when no one believes in you she will. If anyone could know how grateful I am and how big my desire to burn all bridges and just pace to the times when my touch will bring happiness and make ugly things beautiful again is.

Abuse. Have you ever had that one who will abuse you and you’ll be on the edge of happiness? If not it means you have never tried driving crazy drugs. Just imagine having Amber who will move her ass and let you lie next to her on a door in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. But then you’ll have to die to pay for it.

Truth. This is naked truth, never hidden by hypocrisy. The truth everyone covets and deserves. It is bitter, it is cold, sometimes harsh, sometimes just completely on the contrary. It will either destroy you or save you from yourself. It heals, it hurts, it leaves holes on your soul someday.  The pain never goes away, it can just lessen or turn into something else. What are lies? It is a latent sickness, when you temporary feel OK but after all it will devour you from inside. It isn’t worth living in fear and lies. This is always the end of the beginning of self-destruction.

Inspiration. Art needs inspiration. How would you like to be an inspiration for inspiration? This is something impossible. It’s like saying that inspiring is inspiring. OK, I think I should leave this. All I want to say is every time I feel inspiration, it feels like pain in my throat, in my stomach which is going to turn me into pink dust. Do you know what pink dust is? It is said by sappers when a person is exploded. The explosion is so powerful that you can barely find a finger. I will die and resurrect for it. But the truth is that I don’t want to die and I don’t want to live, I just want to have a chance to be with IT. This is my vicodin. This is what makes the fire in my heart keep on leaking me from inside with its incandescent tongues.

I could write something like a 21-page analyze of “American Tragedy” speaking about metaphors, trails and so on, but I just want to express my special love. Every sucker needs six letters, but only some of them one day stop being suckers.

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