Tag Archives: abused

I’ll be your lover, I’ll be forever (inspired by “The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer”)

14 Jun

It has always been interesting to dig in someone else’s head. You can IMAGINE different situations, not yours, feel someone ELSE’S pain, not yours, and finally get your own OPINION to situations you may read about. Let’s face it: feeling the pain of other person is more pleasant than feeling yours one. That is one of the reasons why we read books.

Recently I have read “The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer”. I have to say that this is a great book. It is well-written, interesting and some kind of unusual.

The story is about a little a girl in a cute dress in the best society. After that a reader faces the secret of Laura. This secret is her enemy. This is BOB. During reading the story you have to realize who is BOB and if he is real or not.

As to the content BOB is someone who abused Laura, humiliated her and from my point of view screwed up her mental state.

Who she became?

To answer this question we should find the answer for this question:

Who she was?

She was just a girl, who had just started her “life search” with innocent thoughts and actions. This can be said about her experience with boys in the wood. Just naked bodies, but no sex.

But she changed. BOB changed her. She became a drug addicted, sex addicted confused girl. She thought she was a bad person, dirty, stupid girl who deserves to die. I suppose she was controlled by constant fear of meeting BOB.

Laura Palmer became just nothing. She was a depth of lies, drugs, sex and criminal. She understood that life is all about being happy, really happy, but I bet Laura couldn’t find happiness in things which were appropriate for a whore.

The level of happiness was again controlled by fear. She didn’t know if she was allowed to have beautiful, innocent feelings and thoughts (like love). She knew that BOB would never allow this.

How could Laura stay in the place where the walls expressed beauty and innocence? She couldn’t, didn’t deserve it. She understood that her soul becomes having more and more holes, she was dying.

I can also analyze the character from another side. She split into two branches, one of which has dark beginning and the other one conceals the girl, who just wanted to be like others and happy. These parts of Laura’s soul were always in struggle. The second, “beautiful” part of Lora Palmer always tried to reach for light like branches of a tree reach for sun. It showed itself in communication with little Johnny, who was pure and innocent, he was her absolute opposite. Anyway she was afraid to touch something so perfect, she was too depraved. We can also see her kindness in helping old people. But every time she touched the beauty something violent was coming again. The cracks in her soul were too real.

It is necessary to mention about Laura’s pony. Once it was happy with its family, which I mean Laura, but then something happened and this pony had to be alone and struggle. Finally it was shot in the head. It does remind me someone else. I think this is a symbol of what happened to Lora.

Self-destruction always leads to emptiness, so called death. Perceive it as a metaphor or not but in the end there is nothing but emptiness and infinity. Laura died.

To understand why Lora died we need to understand why people drink. To seem cool? – No. For taste? – Hardly. To stay funny? – Doesn’t fit. To relieve pain? – Closer. Laura Palmer being a teenager felt so much pain and fear that sex and cocaine work like vicodin to a person with chronic aches in leg. But finally it didn’t work. The process could never be stopped and was accompanied by different symbols like the killed cat of a little girl or dreams where she violently died, or something like paranoid ideas, again dreams with black sky and even sex became the act of revenge. Everything she touched dried and died. To forget, to survive, to live one more day, to relieve pain, but just not to die.  That is what Laura had in her had. Sex and drugs brought her satisfaction as her dying world couldn’t get closer to something less primitive.

So who is BOB? Is it the part of Laura, her core, her mind or is this a real person who abused and scared the young girl time after time? Both. The part of fear and BOB’s impact on her became her core, where she became numb. This is the reason why Laura couldn’t hold resistance to him, couldn’t give up drugs and change. From the other side BOB was just a maniacal ass whose hobby was to abuse a young girl and make her think she was mad. Who knows how the situation would have turned out if BOB had been just a normal guy.

I sincerely feel sorry for Lora and hope that this always misunderstood girl found her eternal peace.

This is how I understood the secret of Laura’s diary. The best part of the book is that the reader is to decide. To decide who BOB was, why her world was destroyed and by whom. So there is no wrong conclusion. The worst part of the book is that you may find yourself in Lora’s first thoughts and actions, because they were always true and naked. This is about what we are afraid to confess even ourselves.

“Weep” by Reamonn

She turns she burns she feels concealed by

someone that she doesn’t know

She hopes someday he’ll find his way into
these tears that she weeps
She knows she gave she feels enslaved by
what she gave too easily

She hopes in time she waits in line for all
these things that will make her
real

I feel that she woke up feel she’s had
enough

Feel it’s time she opened up her eyes
I feel that she woke up feel she’s had
enough

Feel it’s time she opened up her eyes

She holds the cold she feels so fooled by
all this pain she has revealed

She hopes she cries she holds inside all
these things that will make her real

She screams put your hands on me
Put your hands on me put your hands on
I need to feel you touch
Put your hands on me put your hands on
I need to feel you touch

I feel she’s got to open up her eyes

Put your hands on me

Image

P.S. Not accepting eternity I’m lying to myself again just NOT to close my eyes and never wake up. With this note I’m finishing my article, dedicated not only to Laura Palmer and my thoughts, but to that one, whose soul name will stand out in all its beauty on my body. All comes with years. With years and to eternity.

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